29 October, 2006

The Trouble With Mr. Darcy

There's nothing like a dreary autumn weekend to find that Pride & Prejudice is on TV. The education channel was showing it on a loop, non-stop over the weekend. This is the one with Colin Firth and Jennifer Ehle, i.e. the best one. So, in between feeds and nappy changes, I spent the weekend transfixed in front of the telly, mug of tea in hand and rattly toy in the other.

I remember buying the VHS video of the series when it first came out over 10 years ago. I would watch it in pretty much the same way - minus the rattly toy - and wonder longingly when my dashing and mysterious Mr. Darcy would come along. Back then, it was my mum who would come along and moan at me for 'watching that thing again'. Now it's my husband, unwashed, unshaven and wandering around in long-past-their-prime boxers and socks. 'I like it,' I reply stobbornly and he shrugs his shoulders and disappears upstairs to his computer games.

He did ask me a few times what I like about it and I gave him a long lecture about Jane Austen's witty social commentary and English social structure during the period. This either satisfied him or bored him, either way he didn't ask again. The truth is though, that I just love to lose myself in the fantasy of meeting, falling for and being desired by, Mr Darcy. High-brow Mills & Boone, but I love it.

And I could never imagine Mr Darcy with holey boxer shorts. In fact, I find hard to imagine Mr. Darcy with any boxer shorts at all. Grin.

27 October, 2006

Mr. Worry

While I was over at a friend's this week, I noticed that she had a Mister Men book on her bedside table. It was Mr. Worry. After reading through it, I knew that it would be next book I'd buy for myself. It went something like 'When it was sunny, Mr. Worry would worry that his plants would die. When it rained, he would worry that his roof would leak'. That's me. At least way too much of the time.

A major for example: going back to work after my maternity leave. The question of what would happen at the end of my maternity leave has been worrying me throughout my pregnancy. Now that I've made the decision to resign from my job and stay at home with baby until January, I'm worrying about whether I will find another job when I look for it. The fact that there is nothing for me to do about it until January doesn't stop me worrying about it.

That's the thing about worrying; it robs you of the moment, of what you can experience right here, right now. And right now I want to be enjoying this break with my baby.

In the book, a wizard comes along and tells Mr. Worry that if he writes down all the things that he's worried about, he'll make sure that they'll never happen. As a grown-up woman, I still catch myself wishing that someone would come along and take all the worry away. Thing is, I know that even if someone did, as happens with Mr. Worry, I'd still find something new to worry about.

Maternity Now

I'm 32 and a new mum at last. That does imply, correctly, that I was looking forward to the event. Only, now it's happened, it seems that it was the sort of 'looking forward' that a 10-year-old would do to growing up, falling in love, getting married, having cute little babies and living happily ever after. Now I'm here, I wonder if I every really re-examined that agenda since I set my heart on it at 10. Not that my little daughter isn't wonderful - she is - it's just that reality sets in harder the futher you get towards the supposed 'happily ever after'.

Yet, new motherhood is nothing like I expected. But then neither was getting married, or growing up for that matter.

This blog will be a journey into the 'happily ever after' of post-motherhood. Join me. Who knows, maybe we'll get there.